dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
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