I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Randomize
