you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
Randomize
