I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
he quoted the bible to break up with me
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
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