I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Randomize
