Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
Randomize
