remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
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