If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
Randomize
