You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
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