Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
Maybe he injected his testicle?
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
Randomize
