i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize
