No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
Randomize
