I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Randomize