She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
week 6 of class: i have yet to go to spanish sober. i love being THAT girl.
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
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