I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
Randomize
