wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
Randomize
