Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Randomize
