Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
I think i got beer on your cat.
Randomize
