so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
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