i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
Randomize
