Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
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