Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
I wish i was in the wii world.
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Randomize
