neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Randomize
