I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
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