my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
Randomize
