i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
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