So pretty much, I was trying to piece last night together and remembered a point where I was pointing to you heart then touching your face. I'm not sure that I ever translated that to "I like your personality better than your looks" but that's what I meant
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
I need mimosas to revive my soul
Randomize
