You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Randomize