I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
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