Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
Randomize
