My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
Randomize
