wat bout pragnant strippers??
guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
Randomize
