If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
Randomize
