shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
i drank out of a bidet.
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
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