What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
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