It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
Can I color on your dick again?
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
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