if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
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