You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
Randomize
