Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
Randomize
