Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
Randomize
