yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
I believe in your delicious
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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