Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
bl l w
this should be fun to decipher. I'd like to buy a vowel.
Four minutes until I can fart!
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
This is my gift to your gina
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
