Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
You ate ashes out of my bong
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
Randomize
