Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
I need a hoe opinion
go on
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
Randomize
