I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
Randomize
