four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
Randomize
