I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
And my parents said I crawled through the house
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
I have fence marks all over my body
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
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