I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
Use "feeling words"
Yay
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
Randomize
