it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
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