He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
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