in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
Randomize