I never want to see another naked old woman again.
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
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