Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
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