You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
our cab driver is having phone sex.
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
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