hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
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