no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!
my soul wont recognize me after tonight
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
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