I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Randomize
