My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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