I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
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