i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
Randomize
