I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
Randomize
