trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
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