i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
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