It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
Randomize
