dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
Randomize
