normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
PS: I just woke up from my shower
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
I think I just sharted jello shots
Randomize
