My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
Randomize