I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
Randomize
