just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
Randomize
