How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
Best friends brother. Beat that.
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
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