my sisters under your porch take her home
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
Randomize
