you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
Randomize
