so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
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